Lament of Contentment

Current song playing in my head : - Mitwa from KANK

Shankar Mahadevan's voice rings in my head - Mere mann yeh bata de tu... Kis ore chala hai tu... Kya paya nahin tune.. Kya dhoond raha hai tu

What words! What is it that the heart seeks? What is it that it hasnt found as yet.. Contentment they say, is a state of mind.. Then why is the state of my mind so unsatisfied? So thirsty and hungry for more?

I am in a highly coveted job which many people will give their life for.. I work for one of the highly respected companies in the world.. And my job is supposed to be full of challenging opportunities, avenues to go abroad, highly flexible and motivating and what-have-you.. I work for a fat pay package that enables me to feed my wants and indulgences more than required..

I have friends with whom I go out partying, dinners, movies, etc.. I am not someone who is lonely or left out.. A friend of mine recetly commented - "you're someone who develops a personal equation with everyone you meet".. which basically means that there is nothing lacking in my social life..

Then why do I feel so wanting.. So deprived.. Am I an anomaly? or am I just plainly human.. Wanting more.. Perpetually dissatisfied.. Accursed with high ambitions and unsatiable aspirations.. Is this what my Lament is? -

I am cursed with wanting too much too soon
Trying too hard too often, striving for things that taunt me, just beyond my fingertips
Accomplishing too little, despite my lauded efforts
Hurting people, not helping them

We are the cursed, fringe elements in denial
Defying their condescension, shattering their delusions
Breaking every barrier they cherish, like pacifiers
Yet still, twisted hilariously, dysfunctional specimen

And so we learn the hard way to work with the system
To keep tactfully silent, to flatter, to lie and to compliment
To assimilate and not protest, to be humble, modest and smiling
To please them, though we may never forget,
That we’re square pegs in very round holes

MURDER

She killed me
Not with a gun
Or a dagger
But with a glance
That left me wondering
At the origin of her deadly weapon.

I didn’t bleed
Or scream in terror.
I just melted
Into the mess I was.
To remain that way forever
A puddle of filth, in a dingy corner.

The teardrop

I feel we cry very easily these days.. Out of joy, sorrow, fear, relief.. In pain, in prayer, in dejection and in hope.. Tears that were once rare have become ubiquitous commodities that are wasted and shed way too soon.. A sad novel, a touching movie, a hug goodbye, a hug hello.. Makes me wonder at the weaknesses of human emotions that flow at the drop of a hat.. Some say crying is a sign of weakness.. I dont think so.. But crying all too often is.. Not a weakness of the human spirit.. But of the human mind.. A mind that is not able to understand suffering in most striking form.. A mind that is so fragile that something as simple as saying goodbye to an old friend can have the saline water gushing from the eyes.. I think its time we became more resilient, and saved the teardrops for something truly overwhelming..

Squeeze a tear drop and let it rest
On the tip of your eye
Concealed candidly between the lashes and the lid
A drop of moisture, for you dry charred eye

Don’t let it fall, don’t let it turn into a pearl
Just hide it and let it remain
Let it moisten your eye
Your dead, dreary petrified eye

Squeeze it and let it rest
Let it rest for the child
Who works in the sun
Blazing as his dreams for the future

Let it rest for the unborn
Who was sacrificed
For the sins that she did not commit

Let it rest for the woman
Who dies every night
To live a life by day

Let it rest for the struggler
Whose peace has been snatched
For there are deadlines to be met
Let it rest, a lone honest teardrop

And when the trident of hope, trust and faith hits you
And your feet are cemented in the greens of security
Let the tear drop flow

Let it roll from eye to toe
Cleanse your soul, liberate it of its curses
And the benedictions
Let the tear drop flow